Hello you! Some of you may know that I have been running a quiz night for the past two years. Well, most weeks I send out a supposedly comical and often topical reminder message that people should come along. With the stupid new Facebook "collapse every message into one thread" service, they are all easily copy and pasted and thus I thought I'd share a few of my favourites for you not in the group.
08 February 2010
Quiz WLTM Likeminded Idiots
Me: quizmaster, 29, single. WLTM a crowd of interesting quiz fans for fun, friendship and forty questions on a variety of fantastic subjects.
You: able, willing and excited at the smallest thing.
Meet at my place (Red Pig, Church Green, Keighley) about half 9?
I'll be the one at the bar crying into a child's shoe but you should probably just ignore that. So, hows about it pet?
16 March 2010
SAVE THE WHALES. OR A RADIO STATION. OR QUIZ. ONE OF THOSE ANYWAY.
Hello. This is an urgent plea on behalf of Ben Understands Minor Situations (or BUMS for short). The government are thinking of scrapping BBC Red Pig Quiz (Tuesdays, 9pm) for not being commercially viable enough in these modern times. Also: there was that incident with the ostrich but THIS MUST NOT STAND.
SHOW THOSE FAT CATS IN CHARGE THAT THEY CANT BOSS US AROUND ANY FURTHER. COME TO TONIGHT'S FREE PRIZE QUIZ AT THE RED PIG AND TRY TO WIN THE PEOPLE'S GALLON OF BEER. FOR THE PEOPLE!
Your comrade in hard times,
Ben Baker (head of B.U.M.S and our sister organisation Citizens Under Nude Threat)
13 April 2010
Do Re Me...
I believe it was Voltaire who said that Carter The Unstoppable Sex Machine got to No. 40 on 16th October 1993 with "Lenny And Terence", dropped to 71 the following week before disappearing from the charts altogether.
I joke of course, he was always more of a Slowdive kind of guy. That said, come to free Red Pig Quiz, Tuesdays at 9pm. B x
26 April 2010
The Red Pig Quiz Is In Control
In 1986, Janet Jackson asked the question "What have you done for me lately?"
In 2010, I answer that question. The answer is as follows:
"I done a quiz. You can win a gallon of beer at it and its free to take part. I mean its not wholly for you or owt but you can take part if you like. Leave your knockers in, mind. You'll give Dave Bingley a funny turn..."
The Red Pig Prize Quiz - Tuesdays 9pm
"...now 46% less on fire!"
18 May 2010
Exciting Ghostbusters News Inside!
Fans of hit new film Ghostbusters (in cinemas 7th December 1984) are in for a Ghostbusting treat at the free to enter prize Red Pig Quiz tonight from 9pm as one of the questions is all about Ghostbusters!
(The answer is "Ghostbusters")
So come to the Ghostbusters (one question only) quiz tonight! But don't bring any ghosts!!!!!!! WHOOOO AHAHAHAHAH No seriously, dont.
15 June 2010
In Which Our Hero Fails To Make An Obvious Pun Concerning The Word "Balls"
I believe in with Baddiel and Skinner who once sang...
"Free quiz at the Pig
Eight pints for the winner
60 minutes of dirt
Come out after dinner"
...and how right they were for it is indeed Tuesday night quiz fun at the Red Pig. It starts at 9:30pm and is guaranteed a FOOTBALL FREE ZONE!!!!!!! ....unless there's some questions about football in there that I've forgotten about because I wrote the quiz three weeks ago. Probably not though. I prefer French kissing and the Muppets. Christ, its no wonder no-one comes to the quiz anymore.
13 July 2010
Lets Go Back To Work (Quiz)
As we all know by now the Red Pig's resident quiz-master Ben Baker went on a crazed violent gun rampage this weekend before eventually shooting himself in the face sometime around 2am on Friday night. Luckily before he went, he left the following note of which it was his dying wish I should pass on to you now:
"Hi pals! Ben here. Don't forget to come to the Red Pig quiz this Tuesday at 9pm where you can win a gallon of beer and have a lot of fun with like minded idiots. And the best part is - its free! Oh and I'll be back to life. Or a ghost...or something. To be honest, I haven't thought this through."
The Red Pig Quiz. Tuesdays at 9pm. Better than a crazed violent gun rampage. Just.
03 August 2010
Meet The (Incredibly) Feebles
You know, I've been sending these emails about the free quiz at The Red Pig, Keighley (every Tuesday at 9pm) out every week for eight months now and yet we've never really talked.
So...how are you...? Everything okay...? Still seeing your mam...? Oh I'm sorry to hear that. Was it sudden...? Ghosts you say...? Well you dont normally get that in Saltaire...anyway, I've got to go...I...yeah...I...okay well...um...yes...I DID NOT LEAD HER ON...yeah yeah so...look, I really have to go now...no, I...yep...oh well...oh is that the phone - ring ring ring ring - yep, definitely the phone...I'll text you...ok...byebye...byebye...
Phew. I thought she'd never leave.
The Red Pig free prize quiz. Tuesdays after 9pm. Come.
31 August 2010
!FREE! CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST SCREENING AT KEIGHLEY SHARED PARISH TONIGHT - INCLUDES BISCUIT.
Hi gang! Lets pretend it wasn't bank holiday just then and that now comes the downward tilt into back to school then Halloween, bonfire night, Halloween 2, Alan's birthday, Christmas, Late Christmas, Michael Fenton Stevens Day and of course, the New Year.
"But how?", you ask! Well I was thinking you all come round to mine, open a bottle of wine and then just sit in front of the fire looking into each other's eyes for a while. And then, who knows....?
Alternately: there's a quiz on at the Red Pig after 9pm tonight where you can win a gallon of beer and its free to enter.
Either way, bring a towel.
06 September 2010
Red Pigrim Vs The Wold
It occurred to me last night as I was re-arranging my Defenders Of The Earth sticker books into alphabetical order that it would make more sense to email people about the FABULOUS Red Pig Quiz starting at 9:30pm EVERY TUESDAY and its FREE TO ENTER big PRIZE of a GALLON OF BEER the night before the quiz to give you all time to prepare, both mentally and erotically. Except that last part.
So come to the quiz tomorrow and have a great night, drink some beer, support a fabulous local pub and also help us say goodbye to our beloved barmaid Kate who serves her last Tuesday behind the bar before she flies off to Heaven with Baby Jesus and the orphans. Also known as Leeds Art College.
Quiz. 9pm. Beer. Win. Cheer. Yes. Come?
13 September 2010
The Pope Visits The Red Pig Tuesday At 9pm*
How do! Pope Benedict 'ere and I DONT KNOW NUFFIN SO DONT EVEN ASK ALRIGHT?!? But if I did know stuff, I'd definitely attend my good pal Ben Baker's reet gradely quiz at The Red Pig, Keighley, Tuesdays after 9pm which is free to enter with a gallon of beer for the winners.
Come and have a good laugh with like minded adults. Definitely no kids. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT KIDS ARE. STOP HOUNDING ME. I GOT SO STARTLED THEN I NEARLY TRIPPED OVER ME BAGS OF NAZI GOLD! I MEAN...OH BUM...LEG IT....
Them Pope (Only all in German, obviously)
*NB Actual Pope content might vary
20 September 2010
The Revolution Will Probably Be Televised Whilst You're Out. So Come Get Drunk...
The Red Pig Quiz
Yes its back! Keighley's most loveable gang of idiots return for another night of thrills, spills, fun, mindless trivia and a gallon of beer for the winners of this free to enter quiz. The proceedings are as ever orchestrated by that man of a thousand faces (so why does he choose to stick with that one?) Ben Baker. Who knows, the star of the show could be you! Probably not though. Soz.
Bob the Bar...............ROBERT BROWN
Surly Barmaid............TAKE YOUR BLEEDIN' PICK
Wee Jimmy Krankie......LITTLE ROSIE
And introducing WIGGERS as himself.