Because nobody asked for it! And because I started a sentence with because! And keep saying it to boot! Here's some more of the messages I've sent out over the past two years to local patrons of my fun if slightly backwards pub quizzes. I've got almost no feed back from the 70+ people who receive this week in, week out so gawd knows what anyone thinks of it. I get paid either way so...meh. Enjoy.
12 October 2010
The Red Pig Quiz Needs You
I love you. Please come to my quiz. It is at half past 9 and this week covers the rounds First Things Second, Metal On Metal, Connections, Roger Roger, B-Boys In The Band, All Together Then, Fortunes Of Family and Dingbats!
There's a gallon of beer for the winner and its free to enter. Put it in your diary now! OR GHOSTS WILL EAT YOU. THANKS.
Pigoween At The Red Pig - Quiz And Disco
Hello boys and ghouls! Sorry, that should've read "girls" - that's the last time I buy a spell-checker from a man in a Deputy Dawg costume...
Rehashed nonsense aside, this week sees PIGOWEEN at The Red Pig which kicks off tomorrow with a very special Halloween themed quiz on all things ghostly, witchy, monstrous and, above all, custodial.
The Wiki Man
Well, the cats out of the bag now, isn't it?
Thanks to bleedin' Wikileaks everyone now knows that there's an excellent free to enter pub quiz at the Red Pig, Keighley every Tuesday at 8:30pm Cheers Julian Assange (English translation: Julian The Monkey) Next you'll be telling them there's a gallon of beer for the winners!
At least I comfort myself with the fact that the President of Malta thinks Hilary Clinton is "a silly sausage". Truly, knowledge is power! But mindless trivia works just as well...
Make the quiz count tonight people!
"Join And Nicely Educate The Inner Sanctum All Tired, Worn And Tattered"
Just a quick message to say that the free to enter Red Pig Quiz is back tomorrow at 9pm with a gallon of beer still up for grabs and all the usual brand of trivia, shouting and animal husbandry. And the best thing? I WILL NEVER STOP.
The Red Pig. Come for the jukebox, stay for the existential crisis.
Quiz You Is Or Quiz You Aint My Baby?
Please come and do the Red Pig quiz tonight around 9pm. Its fun, free and a little bit different from all the other dreary trivia contests in Keighley. Whether thats a good thing, I'm not entirely sure but screw it - you can win a gallon of beer and its easily as lowest common denominator targetting as all the guff on Channel 4 tonight, such as "Pregnant Pre-Teen Gypsy Fishmongers", "Horses With ASBOs" and "Gok's Fiddle Factory".
So come out and support local business (and local idiocy). Although that horse one does sound pretty good...
Best Adapted Use Of Swearing In A Local Quiz Night
Tonight it is the Brit Awards. This is presented by James Corden and will invariably be an awful waste of time, oxygen and skin.
For a much more entertaining alternate opportunity to be shouted at by a fat man whose best years are behind him, come and attend tonight's Red Pig free prize quiz which as ever has eight free drinks for the winner and starts about 9pm. Also the chances of hearing Justin Bieber are markedly reduced. Whatever that is.
This Week's Complaint Letter (With Apologies To Ed Gamble)
Dear Bacon Frazzles,
Hello and alright already as if you didnt know so shut up. Anyway, I have a complaint about your crisps which I recently had the displeasure of trying when taking part in the excellent Red Pig quiz in Keighley. Its free to take part, starts around 9:15pm and the winner gets a gallon of beer. Some quite good bits. I give it three stars.
What was I talking about? Oh yeah, I had a bag of your crisps and found a rat in em. Actually come to think of it, I think they were Quavers. And I was in The Vine.
PS Don't even get me started on my son...
A quick note to say that even though Ive never seen about 85% of you at the quiz ever, its not on this week due to illness. But all 100% of you should definitely come the week after where there'll be a MASSIVE ROLLOVER.
No extra prize or owt, just a MASSIVE ROLLOVER.
See you then,
A: You Cant Dip An Elephant In Your Tea
- Knock knock
- Who's there?
- Come to the free Red Pig prize quiz tonight at 9pm and win a gallon of beer
- Come to the free Red Pig prize quiz tonight at 9pm and win a gallon of beer who?
- Um...I haven't thought this through.
Take The Red Pill
My back hurts, I am on quite a lot of ibuprofen and I'm meeting a lot of new people I want to impress for the first time so I'll almost certainly be drinking. How could you resist the free prize quiz tonight?
The fun starts after 9pm. The funk starts whenever the tablets kick in.
The Red Pig Quiz. "Where people meet, make friends and then complain they had their answer sheet marked wrong until the quizmaster wants to throw himself off a roof"
THE RED PIG QUIZ CELEBRATES BOBERT DYLANS
Bob Dylan is 70 today!
But the lazy get wont make it to the Red Pig quiz tonight so stuff him - and his lousy cue cards. But I love you of course, because you recognize a top value night out with a free quiz, the chance to win a gallon of ale, the usual hearty banter and threats of violence PLUS - FOR ONE WEEK ONLY - A round exclusively about badgers!
So put down that steel guitar and big bag of drugs because tonight is quiz night! Starts after 9pm. Its what Bob Dylan would've wanted if he was here with us today. (He's in The Star)
The Red Pig Quiz: Off The Record.
- "Hello this is Ben Baker, I'm not in at the moment so please leave a message...."
- "...Hello, Ben. Its Ben. Just leaving a message to remind you that its the free prize quiz at the Red Pig tonight from half 9 and the rounds are Cartrouble, Don't (Do) Lets Start, Back 2 Skool, Them F-in Movies!, The Numbers, Dead Happy, Food Glorious Etc and Fortunes of Family. I know you know all this already but I cant afford advertising and there's a likely chance someone somewhere is secretly taping this..."
- "No we're not"
- "Oh, ok then. Wait....what?"