Coming Attractions

"Bruised by his experiences in the industry, it was around this time he got into politics via the aforementioned bun confusion. And as such on the 20th May 1951, Sir Lucian Potato became the honourable member for Taffin Up The Cramsis although to this day he isn’t entirely sure where that is. When asked on one edition of Question Time, his eventual response - “Somewhere near Spain?” - was poorly received by the audience. Still he did have such lovely hair...." 

Stepping Out

Apologies for my tardiness here with postings but I'm presently working on relaunching another site and a few written projects, one of which will go out exclusively to people who donate to a special charity walk my mum is doing for a local cancer hospice.If you would like to be one of those special people who get a copy, simply do a click anywhere on this line here.

Its a fantastic cause and helping the hospice where both my grandfathers spent some time before succumbing to their illnesses. It made their last days comfortable and as pleasant as such a thing can be. Please do consider contributing though. Doesn't have to be a lot - a pound would be incredibly appreciated. Anything over an utter bonus. And you'll get an exclusive podcast of some description as a thank you. Cant say fairer than that, can I? Except just then, when I did.

That link again: http://fundraising.suerydercare.org/BEVBAKER

Thank you.

The Prayer Of The Smackboys

The other day, myself and my friend Tim (of the terrific Here Is A Box parish) were inspired to try and come up with an alternative to those rather obvious "How many have you seen out of all these here fillums what have been on at pictures and that?" tick list things that go round a lot these days on The Facebook. Our idea was to create one with a hundred entirely spurious fictional movies.

Then we got distracted by a squirrel. But here's some of the ones we came up with before that (full points for understanding more than five reference points):

*That Darned Hirons!
*The Beast In Heat 3: Beast In The City
*Alan Goes To Dixons
*Grimleys Galore!
*The Wiggers Confundrium
*Slaves Of Balefu
*Alan Of La Mancha
*Glam Goose In Flame
*The Million Pound BBC Monies Note
*Kramer Vs. Ian
*Yorkshire Chevron: The Movie
*In Search Of Gulliver
*When Souteys Attack
*Straw Dogs But With More Rape In It
*Tony Hancock's The Miserable Old Bastard
*koyaanisqatTAUB
*A Star Is Bin - The Richard Herring Story
*Barrowmania
*Edit News Goes To Summer Camp
*3D House Of Taub
*Spiderman Vs Herring
*The House That Dripped Alans
*Les Aventures Beaucoups Comique du That Bloke Out Of Octopus

Even For Monkey Island Shaggers

I did a review of sorts for the last Doctor Who episode (thats last week's not the terrific Gaiman piece "The Doctor's Wife" just aired) for my friend John over at This Way Up. You can read it here if you fancy. Although there were a few edits and stuff (as is his prerogative), so the full thing is below the jump:

101 Most Available Hits

I'll die then. Thanks.

Dear John...

Before you read any of this nonsense, click the following link - This Way Up - John Sullivan by Dave Rolinson - and read this fantastic overview of the late John Sullivan and some of his best known work, such as Only Fools And Horses (1981-2003), Citizen Smith (1977-80) and many more. 

John Sullivan was a legend. Just a quick glance at his IMDB page highlights a giant range of work that only begins to help appreciate the legacy (frog's or otherwise) left behind by him. For example, has any writer ever had two big specials on Christmas Day? Sullivan did -  in 1986 with the final episode of the often mis-remembered Just Good Friends (1983-86) and the 75 minute Only Fools episode "A Royal Flush".

The latter, in which Rodney becomes keen on a moneyed distant royal,  is probably the least seen OFAH episode and indeed now is cut heavily on DVD. This is in no small part due to the fact Del is an utter cunt throughout the entire thing acting out of character, stitching his brother up and then selling him down the river for a grand.

But the fact remains that nearly two hours of a good proportion (just under 19 million for the Trotters) of the British public's viewing that night was provided by one man. Not one man and eight "programme associates" (I see you Mack and Hart...) but Sullivan alone. My brain melts even more when considering he was also no doubt preparing the second and final series of "Dear John" (1986-87) after the first had aired from February that year and would soon head to NBC for a reasonably successful US adaptation beginning in January 1988. It adds another level of lobe-meltery when you learn that the earliest episodes of the American version were incredibly close (or as comedy guide guru Mark Lewisohn puts it "word for word remakes") to its British counterpart, thanks to a writers dispute.

More Only Fools And Horses followed with two series, now extended to 50 minutes, and eight specials - all but one of the latter (the first part of the admittedly shite "Miami Twice") slap bang in the heart of BBC1's Christmas Day schedule between 1987 and 1993. Thats over *1100* minutes of telly including such gems as "Stage Fright", "Danger UXD", "The Jolly Boys' Outing", "Dates" and, short of the VT engineer having a breakdown and sticking on a last minute replacement of "Budd Dwyer's Late Late Breakfast Show", easily the most depressing thing to ever appear on Jesus' birthday, "Rodney Come Home".

Sullivan's next sitcom would be the almost comically forgotten Sitting Pretty (1992-93) which nonetheless managed two series out of an incredibly thin "rich folks returned to their roots" premise (not especially dissimilar from another BBC sitcom of the time "Get Back") seemingly written to prove he could tackle female lead roles. More followed including the sleight but very watchable Roger Roger (1996-2003), the depressingly poor Heartburn Hotel (1998-2000) and jumping ship to ITV for the Dickens-tinkering Micawber (2001-02).

None of these especially stuck in the Nation's collective cortexes but by that point, John Sullivan could have pulled his pants down, shit all over the rug then punched the Queen in the kisser and we'd all still adore him for coming up with Wolfie Smith, Vince Pinner, John Lacey and of course, everyone's favourite Peckham residents - Knock Knock the Trotter family - indeed a whole world of memorable and strong supporting characters that will be remembered for decades to come.

Thats the power great writers have. Rest in peace, John.

Guess The Screengrab - Number One

Here's a screenshot of something I took some time ago because it especially tickled me. There is literally no prizes - and some washing to do - for the first person to guess the source of this televisual puzzler...

Children Of A Lesser Pod

The other day I decided to have a go at writing a short comedy podcast just to see if I could do something topical at short notice. This became "That Ben Baker" - a 7 minute monologue of sorts about the recent death of Bin Laden plus other bits in the news. As I was writing it, the MLK quote feature was going round various blogs and statuses - which made it even funnier when it turned out to be bogus. Anyway, you can hear the mp3 of the show here and the script follows after the jump. I'd be really interested in your feedback so be as brutal as you need be.

Okay, maybe not that brutal. Sniff.

Book Bang-A-Bang

Lulu's great isnt it? Especially the one she does when she sings "Shout".... HAHAAHAHA - like the musical singer Lulu, do you see!?! SHUT UP. I don't mean that at all, as well you'd know if you went through my bedside drawers, which are presently home to two books self-published via the print service of the same name. I've published several magazines using it (for more info on that, click here) and even though its based predominantly in America thus making shipping expensive, it really is a terrific service for what it does.

I encourage many people I meet to try and write - even if its just rubbish one liners on beermats - but self-publishing has long seemed to be the province of dull beardy men (hi!) in thick glasses and even thicker jumpers sharing multiple volumes of their personal beer brewing notes or 3000 page spats over ridiculously convoluted mathematical theories only visible to the human eye through a prism, a sponge and a rusty spanner. But sites like Lulu are helping shift that balance.

Granted there's some right old fucking tut available - "How to Care For Your Milk Carton Surrogate Baby", "Pomegranate Molestation For Beginners" and "Ben Baker's Now Here's A Funny Thing - 500 Humourous Quotes The Famous Say When They Want You To Get Out Of Their Garden" but there's also some great stuff. Here's two books that very much require your attention... (right click on the titles and open the links in a new tab to be taken to the Lulu page)

The Garbage Pod

Its hard to be a Red Dwarf fan in 2011. Partly because its been off TV for so long (special? what special?) that its become consigned to past programming, partly because it meant so much to so many at undoubtedly the geekiest and most socially awkward times in their lives and of course, partly because the last few runs were just fucking awful. So, why recommend an entire book about the damn series? Because we're not alone in thinking about any of this...

Indeed, fansite Ganymede and Titan has been running through almost entirely new Dwarf-free times which has provided both the distance and the opportunity to revisit the episodes with enthusiasm, as well as looking at what made the things that worked great, and those that didn't, shockingly weak. There's a pleasing lack of slavish dribbling over the show but its the enthusiasm for the positives that actually won me over in the end. Granted it gets a bit sixth form prose and needlessly sweary in places but its done charmingly enough and is easily preferable to them using "smeg" every five seconds instead.

Its a breezy and easy read that not only is for a great cause (any profits go towards Amnesty International) but will also have you scurrying back to the adventures of Lister, Rimmer, Barrington and Carpool for another fix of what made it such an enjoyable watch in those first six series.

At Least Its Free

It'll be no surprised to many of the eight of you reading this blog that Tim Worthington is one of my closest friends and a fairly frequent collaborator but that really couldn't be further from the reason for recommending this terrific book which I was lucky enough to get a sneak peek at through its long gestation. I'm not sure I can put it better than the review I left on Lulu's own site..

"The thing that attracted me to Tim's work was his enthusiasm and desire to learn more about certain TV shows, films, bands and other elements of entertainment ephemera - all starting in an era pre-Wiki and easily YouTubed video footage. This book does its best to preserve the feeling of that wobbly movie you once saw at your cousin's 15 years ago but could never remember the title of, the band you bought the only single by and assumed no-one else had ever heard of and that exciting promise that somebody might know somebody who might have once seen some production slides from part three of The Macra Terror. 


If you're fascinated by pop culture and dream in monochrome, this book is undoubtedly for you...."

So, there you go. Two reads that will certainly not make you want to "Shout". LIKE A LULU SINGER. DO YOU SEE? AHAAHAHAAHA OH GOD MY HEAD IS MAKING A FUNNY TICKING SOUND...