Television. Druggadernation.

It’s Monday. Boo! Hiss! Other things unemployed people say! But have no fear as I've devised a special quiz game to get you through that tough period between 1:57pm and 2:03pm as we invite you to play the TV quiz that no other blog has ever attempted to try ever – THE TELLY ADDICTS.

As based on Little Noely Edmonds’ popular television quiz of the past (Telly Quiz), I’m going to set you sixty three of the most intense, exciting and available questions on the subject of the idiot’s lantern (other middling Doctor Who episodes are available) so get a pen, some paper and then throw them away because this is on the internet. Shall we will begin? Yes. You we shall.

Round 1 – Props Round
Simply tell me which programmes the following items are from and what they are for an additional point.

Round 2 – Guess Who?
Below you’ll find clues to the identities of ten famous television characters and personalities – if you can work out who they are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111

- “This hairy alien from Melmac was called ALF”


- “This young man gave up his pubes to resume his education… to this day, nobody knows why”


- “Who remembers Parallel 9? She doesn’t.”


- “Roland Rat”


- “This is the best one from House. That's right, its Not Foreman”


- “This spiky-haired individual was notorious for luring a baby out of a shopping centre before murdering him by an old mattress”


- “This Peckham loser fell in a bin and we all laughed. No, not that one. The other one. Yeah, him.”


- “Shag your wife”


- “His pal is a bullying grubby borderline paedophile who should be murdered with pointed sticks”


- “Have we done ALF yet?”

Round 3 - TV Times

…in which we take an extract from a listings magazine and ask you a couple of questions based on it.

1. What WAS buzzing buzzard?
2. Terrance Dicks - True or False?
3. That’s it.

Round 4 – Sing The Sig

Cancelled.

Round 5 – Who Came First?
Here are four characters from ten long-running programmes with millions of characters – can you put them in the correct order in which they first appeared on screen?

The Wire – Stinger Bar, Rude Dog, Avon Representative, Wee Wee


Doctor Who – The Third Doctor, The Fourth Doctor, The Fifth Doctor, The Other Ones


Red Dwarf – Captain Butler, Melted Kryten, No Jokes, Mugs Murphy


Top Of The Pops – Glam Goose, Bab Laddington Band, “Grouty”, The Grimleys Five


Moomins - Moomins


The News - Hitler, Hitler's mate, Lana Del Ray, Hitler 2


Noel Fielding's Luxury Comedy – Comedy (Missing Presumed Dead)


CD:UK – Ant, Dec, Alan Driscoll, Kele Le Roc

The Flimpsons - Homer Flimpsons, Wilma Flimpstern, "Bort", Jasper.

And that’s it! Write your answers down on a piece of card no bigger than the sense of shame Ricky Gervais feels every time he attempts to act in another project he clearly does not deserve and send it to: Tails Competition, C&VG, 1993. Now I leave you with those immortal words that Noel said every week at the end of every episode of The Telly Addicts Programme With Noel Edmonds (Mr):

“I got the mooooooves”