I Miss You, Facebook Grafitti

Up Against It

I was doing my usual rounds on the Facebook estate (just past eBay Towers and across from the burnt out Myspace) when I noticed my Dad has shared the following picture:

Now whilst I fully appreciate the sentiment, I can't help wondering the exact point of posting and then re-posting such a statement. Of course, you're against pet abuse. Why the hell would you be for it? and even if you were such a type of desperately sick individual, you wouldn't then go "Eee, you know I don't think people know quite how much I like punching ducks in the face. I know - I'll create a Facebook meme!"

Likewise, posting such a thing indicates that the unsaid sentiment of the message is "I am AGAINST pet abuse...unlike YOU. You bloody love kicking new born kittens square in the kisser. You SICK SHITTER. I am NOT masturbating as I type THIS." Naturally I couldn't resist re-posting the meme with pretty much that as a quote. Naturally people took notice of that and 'liked' it. Then shared it again. Are people ignorant bastards? Or was the naive but oddly sweet power of that original message stronger than I believed?

Its that first one, isn't it?

So please please don't abuse pets. Outdoor animals with no specific ownership however - go fucking wild. This has been a public information message on behalf of literally nothing. Thank you.

(with thanks to Phil Catterall for the above image. And Robin Carmody for the info.)

House Of The Rising Bum

Well, its been at least three weeks so naturally a young man's thoughts turn to discontinuing his blog. 

Partly because I'm working on a few other projects that might actually make me some money (up to and including ten bob and a toffee apple) and partly because I've had someone staying here for a week due to circumstances beyond his control. Well, circumstances beyond not being thrown out of his house by an Aspergers-suffering dick (the two are not connected).  

When I first moved into this house I shared it with a friend (Benfans of old - yes, THAT one) until he decided to move out to his own place after two years. Initially I took it quite hard as it had never really occurred to be until then at the rum age of 28 that I had never actually lived alone. With family, friends, partners, yes but alone? Somehow it just never came to be. Is this down to being a frankly electric personality people cant bear to be without on a daily basis? Or more likely am I just a giant mooching nonsense with a good CD collection and the ability not to whip my penis out in the living room? Who can say? 

Reading back over some old blog entries as part of one of the projects i'm undertaking, I was surprised at how fearful and unhappy I was over the thought of solo living. Here in 2012 I couldn't cope with anything else. Yes, I love my long-term girlfriend and we always spend weekends and holidays together but to know that either can escape to our own world and not listen to the other one and their STUPID FUCKING FACE. 

Ahem. I love you baby. 

But its fair to say I've got used to being in my own company being able to listen to what I want or stay up without bothering anyone or openly masturbate on the middle of the Town Hall steps. Ok, that last one might be more of an issue....but you get the general gist I'm sure. 

Now my friend has gone and everything's back to normal which for a manic depressive with "creative tendencies" may be for better or worse. It was nice having someone here for a bit of a change, but its nicer still now he's fucked off. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a Town Hall to desecrate... 

Jack Attack (Not Jack)

I totally think I just saw Jack Palance out of the window.

Hold on, I'm going to shout him....

JACK!

JACK!

....wasn't him.

Great Comic Strips About Then-Recent Films Of Our Time #1

Return Of The Jedi, a truant catcher, twatting young boys in the guts with a clothes pole - check, check and check.  Also: what the FUCK?! You dirty little bastard, Smasher. 

Television. Druggadernation.

It’s Monday. Boo! Hiss! Other things unemployed people say! But have no fear as I've devised a special quiz game to get you through that tough period between 1:57pm and 2:03pm as we invite you to play the TV quiz that no other blog has ever attempted to try ever – THE TELLY ADDICTS.

As based on Little Noely Edmonds’ popular television quiz of the past (Telly Quiz), I’m going to set you sixty three of the most intense, exciting and available questions on the subject of the idiot’s lantern (other middling Doctor Who episodes are available) so get a pen, some paper and then throw them away because this is on the internet. Shall we will begin? Yes. You we shall.

Round 1 – Props Round
Simply tell me which programmes the following items are from and what they are for an additional point.

Round 2 – Guess Who?
Below you’ll find clues to the identities of ten famous television characters and personalities – if you can work out who they are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111

- “This hairy alien from Melmac was called ALF”


- “This young man gave up his pubes to resume his education… to this day, nobody knows why”


- “Who remembers Parallel 9? She doesn’t.”


- “Roland Rat”


- “This is the best one from House. That's right, its Not Foreman”


- “This spiky-haired individual was notorious for luring a baby out of a shopping centre before murdering him by an old mattress”


- “This Peckham loser fell in a bin and we all laughed. No, not that one. The other one. Yeah, him.”


- “Shag your wife”


- “His pal is a bullying grubby borderline paedophile who should be murdered with pointed sticks”


- “Have we done ALF yet?”

Round 3 - TV Times

…in which we take an extract from a listings magazine and ask you a couple of questions based on it.

1. What WAS buzzing buzzard?
2. Terrance Dicks - True or False?
3. That’s it.

Round 4 – Sing The Sig

Cancelled.

Round 5 – Who Came First?
Here are four characters from ten long-running programmes with millions of characters – can you put them in the correct order in which they first appeared on screen?

The Wire – Stinger Bar, Rude Dog, Avon Representative, Wee Wee


Doctor Who – The Third Doctor, The Fourth Doctor, The Fifth Doctor, The Other Ones


Red Dwarf – Captain Butler, Melted Kryten, No Jokes, Mugs Murphy


Top Of The Pops – Glam Goose, Bab Laddington Band, “Grouty”, The Grimleys Five


Moomins - Moomins


The News - Hitler, Hitler's mate, Lana Del Ray, Hitler 2


Noel Fielding's Luxury Comedy – Comedy (Missing Presumed Dead)


CD:UK – Ant, Dec, Alan Driscoll, Kele Le Roc

The Flimpsons - Homer Flimpsons, Wilma Flimpstern, "Bort", Jasper.

And that’s it! Write your answers down on a piece of card no bigger than the sense of shame Ricky Gervais feels every time he attempts to act in another project he clearly does not deserve and send it to: Tails Competition, C&VG, 1993. Now I leave you with those immortal words that Noel said every week at the end of every episode of The Telly Addicts Programme With Noel Edmonds (Mr):

“I got the mooooooves”

100 Days That Shook Menswear Under A Hedge

Feeling all nostalgic today so decided to dig out some of my old music magazines. Man, they don't make them like this anymore. Or indeed want to. 

Getting Behind The Sofa

Hey you! Do you like Doctor Who?

Do you like celebrities like Charlie Brooker, David Quantick, Jonathan Ross, Richard Herring, Bill Oddie and many other ones I can't list here for reasons of space and decency?

And do you like supporting fantastic charities like Alzheimer's Research UK?

In which case, its our great pleasure to point you the direction of pal Steve Berry and his new book "Behind The Sofa" which you can pre-order (in a number of increasingly sexy packages) at THIS LINK HERE.

In his own third-person words: "This collection of over one hundred celebrity memories of Doctor Who has been compiled by author Steve Berry in aid of Alzheimer's Research UK and is beautifully illustrated by Ben Morris."

We know how tirelessly Steve's been working on this project and its to his credit he's managed to draw some fantastic contributors, from regular fans to writers on the show itself new and old (including series legends Terrence Dicks and the thoroughly Bidmedian Christopher H. Bidmead), actors from all eras and even Michael Grade, who famously put the show on its mid eighties hiatus. But we definitely don't have time to talk about "Doctor In Distress".

Although it WAS a cold wet night in November...

Pre-order today and show some love for a truly fantastic project. Don't get left behind! Get off the sofa and pre-order now! Thank you.