Why Be Remotely Interested?

I'm sure by now you know via my extensive billboard campaign and that stunt where Kate Thornton and five orphans attempted to cross Niagra Falls in a suit made out of discarded quiz books (we shall miss them greatly) but I *do* have a new quiz book available for pre-order.

You can click here to go to the pre-order page.

But why should you be interested? I get that there are a lot of similar books out on the market, many available in The Works with titles like "The Thousandest Most Pub Quiz Pints Questions Ever In The World Volume 96" and "Ian Botham's Big BovrilTM Book Of Trivia About The Sport Games". Well as this paragraph shows, I have a very...unique sense of humour and that permeates throughout the entirety of the fifty plus quizzes featured.

Thats not to say the questions are false...except for the ones in the true or false games, of which there are four special rounds devoted to "Probably Definitely True Facts About"... Doctor Who, soap operas, The Simpsons and season finales. Here are eight statements, which of them are true?

A. Cletus (aka "the slack jawed yokel") has children called Incest, Q*Bert and Stabbed In Jail. 

OR

B. In Russia, Homer Simpson is known as Mr American and his stupidity is used as an example of the West's weaknesses. 

A. Actor Don Hastings soiled himself during a live episode of "As The World Turns" after badly misjudging a fart.

OR

B. The cast of Eastenders once released a cockney knees-up party album. 

A. The sound The TARDIS makes on take off is a warped recording of a seagull being frightened.

OR

B. The Doctor is actually a trained medical doctor.

A. Upon reaching its final episode in 1983, “M*A*S*H” had been running longer than the actual Korean War itself.

OR

B. The finale of “Lost” ended in a satisfying way that tied up every single loose end from the series.

(The true answers are A, B, B and definitely not B)

There are also fictional tweets by Donald Trump on a number of TV shows, past and present. Can you work out what the Wotsit-mawed lunatic is allegedly burbling about here?

1. Breaking Bad, 2. Dick N Dom In Da Bungalow, 3. Fun House, 4. The Day Today

And there's letters from similarly vexed humans to the television listings magazines - what shows are being discussed here?

1. Blakes 7, 2. Cheers, 3. Coronation Street, 4. Not The Nine O'Clock News

There's also rounds about robots, catchphrases, The Beatles on TV, theme tunes, live programmes, Netflix and the online revolution, game shows, spin-offs, remakes, famous mothers, kids shows, booze, radio transfers, foreigners, Great Telly Years (1969, 1990, 1982 and 1977) and a bunch of Christmas stuff for good measure! The suggested age range is anything from 18 to 65, and probably beyond! Its accessible but challenging where it needs to be with lots of speciality rounds for all the family. 

The whole book took me about three months to research and write along with using my limited design skills to put together and edit. The title was Tanya Jones' suggestion though. (Go visit her blog Gypsy Creams about archaic magazine clippings right now!) I wrote every word, bar the excellent foreword by one of my best friends the writer, researcher and 'TV Clangers Man' Tim Worthington. So if you think all that effort was worth checking out or have a friend who loves telly and would welcome a unique, not in the shops, limited-edition pocked sized gift, then click the below link to read more and pre-order. 

This is the link he was just talking about then. hi! 

I'm very proud of this book, as I am with my previous two quiz collections (which are still available on Lulu Press) and I hope people will buy it and enjoy it. Or at least buy it. Thats definitely the important part. And if you're still not sure yet, check out this 30+ page preview PDF I put together here. There's also a bonus package I'm putting together for fans with badges, a board game variant, downloads and my back catalogue. 

Thank you and happy quizzing! 

Why Cant I Be You?: Teletubbies

Twenty years ago, television was visited by four strange beings from another place and something something a joke about Captain Butler when I'm clearly talking about the Teletubbies, whose brightly coloured repetitive adventures began on BBC2 this day is 1997, just between a black and white Robert Mitchum film from 1954 and deaf magazine programme "See Hear!" Well it WAS the Easter bank holiday, when all the funnest programmes are on. From those humble beginnings lay a monster though and soon everyone was in on the act...

British viewers quick off the mark (or with a wailing child desperate for distraction) may have been introduced to Tinky Winky, Dipsy, Laa Laa and Po with the following advert...



Quite what anyone made of that promo featuring these freaky faced colourful...things is lost to time but it didn't take long for the show to become a phenomenon and between March and Princess Diana doing a dead, Teletubbies quickly became the biggest kids show in the UK. And eventually the planet. (PLEASE NOTE: I do not believe the Teletubbies were responsible for Diana's death. Only Dipsy's movements are still unaccounted for.) But it wasn't just kids watching as this mildly concerning Channel 5 (which appeared barely hours before the Tubbies on March 30th 1997 at 6pm) news report reveals.



I read in the men's periodicals of the time it was great to smoke the marijuana drug during an episode but other than seeing it with a hangover, I never partook in riding the "Laa Laa Smokey Steam Train to monged town". I was a student though and whilst I don't think I liked it ironically, there was definitely a bemusing humour to it all that clearly only made sense if you were two years old and / or a drug addict. And playing into that, one of the earliest parodies of the series came from a second season episode of "South Park" in May 1998 showing a stoned Mr Garrison watching something distinctly Teletubby-like.

Finding the definitive first parody of the programme is tough in a sea of terrible Flash animations and unfunny mods on YouTube that invariably make the show needlessly dark, sweary or both, but noted television pioneer Brian Conley was in there quick with a much promoted sketch on his ITV "Crazy Christmas" special on December 23rd 1997. Amazingly no footage of this is online due to it being "Brian Conley's Crazy Christmas" so lets move on to one of my favourite subjects Viz Comic who got in on the act with issue 88 from February 1998 when they realised "Telly" sounds a bit like something else...

Every sketch show with more than 8p in the budget (thanks Tony Blairs!) seemed to have a crack at a Tubby spoof in the late 90s although there's was rarely much of a joke other than they don't 'alf talk funny! BBC One's "Harry Enfield's Yule Log Chums" special from 28th December 1998 roughed the kiddies favourites up to become Lovely Jubbly, Geeza, Beergut and Boff. Yes, its the "Telecockneys". Like most of Enfield's sketches at this point in his career the joke goes on about two minutes longer (Big hugs becomes "big jugs", Noo Noo is "Loo Loo" a moving lavatory and so on) than it needs to but the appearances of Matt Lucas, Phill Jupitus and Jessica Stevenson (as was) are very welcome.



Strangely the piece makes no comment on something a number of people have pointed out over the decades and that is Teletubbies' surface similarity to a very memorable "Harry Enfield's Television Programme" sketch from 1992 called "English For Aliens" in which an off-screen (and still much missed) Geoffrey Perkins tried to teach some rotund creatures with odd but uniquely shaped antennas basic phrases such as "tree", "car" and, of course, "Baby Jesus".



BBC Two's "Goodness Gracious Me" also got some knock-off costumes made in 2000 with "Delhi Tubbies" which were Teletubbies but - in a twist you wouldn't see coming from "Goodness Gracious Me", except for all the times you would - Asian. The joke didn't seem to stretch much beyond that and ends with a comedy kicking not long in. Oddly, over a decade later, a real party of blokes using the same name decided to travel across India dressed as Teletubbies in a noble attempt to raise money for a women's refuge in Bangladesh.

Funny vicar comedy "The Vicar Of Dibley" featured two children dressed as Laa Laa and Po at Alice's wedding to Hugo (because she is mentally sub-normal!!!!) but that's not a sketch show so it can get stuffed.

By 1999, the cult of the custard-slurping chums had spread across the American pond of America stateside and suddenly (minus nine months in a Korean animation cellar) they were cropping up in The Simpsons with surprising regularity starting with "Wild Barts Cant Be Broken" midway through the tenth season. Three references followed the next year with perhaps the best featuring Homer attempting to dress as a Teletubby to entertain Maggie, despite the slightly dubious line relating to Tinky Winky's sexuality.

Handily, someone has compiled all these references in this handy to watch video which saves me needing to describe them and buys me some time to think of a good excuse to explain to my family why I've spent a day writing and researching an article about the Teletubbies...



The fuzzy foursome also made appearances as "Tele-Chubbies" in needless "Pinky and the Brain" reboot "Pinky, Elmyra & the Brain". Needless to say Pinky is quite a fan but Brain...not so much!!!!!

Elsewhere, Adult Swim's largely dreadful "Robot Chicken" had the Teletubbies in place of the Power Rangers in lieu of any actual jokes (other than "they speak slowly"...which they don't) and a first season Family Guy had Stewie transfixed by their programme when he was still going "Yis! Kill the mother! Etc!" and Peter said "heheheh I am humourous and fat". Which is true, he was fat.



And then Kenan made a face.



I have no idea what this is.



Next up was...what, we're done? Oh thank you sun baby. All of these sketches and clips are fun in their own way but its testament to the easy going charm and quirky nature of the original programme that lead to it being not only a worldwide hit but a household name that could be easily referenced for a quick chuckle. Yes, it was repetitive and maybe the Christmas no.1 single was a spin-off too far but kids saw something positive and loving in those colourful little buggers so we should always be thankful for that. Time for Tubby bye-bye!

NEXT WEEK: A 50,000 word social polemic on why Charlie Chalk is better than Breaking Bad and how Stoppit and Tidyup could deffo twat everyone in Game of Thrones easy.

Happy twentieth anniversary everybody!