Thursday, 5 October 2017

Getting The Red Pen Out Early

Here's a taster of something coming very soon...

When Roy Wood first press-ganged those poor schoolchildren into singing I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday its a fair bet he wasn't thinking about December 29th - “when you're still eating turkey / and there's frig all on the bo-o-o-o-x”. 

If Christmas Day is reserved for the very latest and best Disney and Pixar films, today is the day where Boring Adaptation Of Book No Kid Has Read For Sixty Years – The Animated Movie, 'Shrenk' – The Eastern European Copyright Free Ogre and Ice Age Goes To The Building Society To Take Out An Investment Loan live. Or worse – something in boring old regular hand drawn 2D! Bleh, did Walt Disney die then get immediately frozen in carbonite for nothing? (A: No. this is an urban myth.)

Reading back, I know I'm down on this post-Christmas Day period but that's mostly because my body almost always seems to take the opportunity at this part of the year to wave a white flag, declare itself on strike and fill me with flu, sickness and anything else that's going free. Lets be honest – Christmas is about being social and the problem with being social is that it involves other people. And other people are filthy disease-ridden bastards, especially your family. Why was your nephew scratching so much at the dinner table? Did Uncle Jeff always have that cough? And what was that thing where the xenomorph burst out of your sister's chest and ran off down the road? She always has to show off.

Besides its long past time your relations should have buggered off to their own curled turkey sandwiches meaning you can sit in the comfy chair Aunt Carol (the one who always smells of egg) stole the very first second you moved to go to the bathroom and wouldn't give up since. In fact, now you think about it, you never ever saw her once get up and go to the toilet herself... unless...

...maybe you will just sit on the sofa instead.

And anyway there might be an episode of Midsomer Death Crimes or Poirot In The Case Of The One That Was Much More Racist In The Original Book you haven’t seen on ITV3 and there's always Pointless. Beautiful, beautiful Pointless. There! So if you're still healthy and can feel both your legs, let the bells ring out for Easter. Or Summer. Or Brian Harvey's birthday. Anything that isn't bloody bleedin' Christmas.

Pass the Dettol...

No comments:

Post a Comment