Getting The Red Pen Out Early

Here's a taster of something coming very soon...

When Roy Wood first press-ganged those poor schoolchildren into singing I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday its a fair bet he wasn't thinking about December 29th - “when you're still eating turkey / and there's frig all on the bo-o-o-o-x”. 

If Christmas Day is reserved for the very latest and best Disney and Pixar films, today is the day where Boring Adaptation Of Book No Kid Has Read For Sixty Years – The Animated Movie, 'Shrenk' – The Eastern European Copyright Free Ogre and Ice Age Goes To The Building Society To Take Out An Investment Loan live. Or worse – something in boring old regular hand drawn 2D! Bleh, did Walt Disney die then get immediately frozen in carbonite for nothing? (A: No. this is an urban myth.)

Reading back, I know I'm down on this post-Christmas Day period but that's mostly because my body almost always seems to take the opportunity at this part of the year to wave a white flag, declare itself on strike and fill me with flu, sickness and anything else that's going free. Lets be honest – Christmas is about being social and the problem with being social is that it involves other people. And other people are filthy disease-ridden bastards, especially your family. Why was your nephew scratching so much at the dinner table? Did Uncle Jeff always have that cough? And what was that thing where the xenomorph burst out of your sister's chest and ran off down the road? She always has to show off.

Besides its long past time your relations should have buggered off to their own curled turkey sandwiches meaning you can sit in the comfy chair Aunt Carol (the one who always smells of egg) stole the very first second you moved to go to the bathroom and wouldn't give up since. In fact, now you think about it, you never ever saw her once get up and go to the toilet herself... unless...

...maybe you will just sit on the sofa instead.

And anyway there might be an episode of Midsomer Death Crimes or Poirot In The Case Of The One That Was Much More Racist In The Original Book you haven’t seen on ITV3 and there's always Pointless. Beautiful, beautiful Pointless. There! So if you're still healthy and can feel both your legs, let the bells ring out for Easter. Or Summer. Or Brian Harvey's birthday. Anything that isn't bloody bleedin' Christmas.

Pass the Dettol...

You Are The Generation That Bought Mr Blobby On Cassingle And You Get What You Deserve

My new TV quiz book is out now!

You can buy it by clicking here.

If you know me, this is already pretty self-evident thanks to my healthy but insistent plugging on Facebook, Twitter and that ad I employed Chairface Chippendale to laser onto the moon. But if you're still unsure about buying it, let me try and gently persuade you a little further.

1. Its a TV quiz book

Yeah, so there's a few of those about. Walk in any branch of "The Works" (other middling Queen albums are available) and you'll find the likes of "Bill Beaumont's Big Book Of Bovril Advert Trivia", "The Pubbingest Quiz Quiz Book For Pubs Ever (TV)" and "The Pointless Book Of Bad Observational Comedy In Lieu Of Any Bleedin' Questions". But invariably they're always the same dull book, researched in about 1987, repackaged endlessly on ever cheaper paper with front covers that look a bit like some beer. Because YOU LIKE THAT.

I think my TV quiz book is unique because of my sense of humour which I've tried to pepper throughout the book, be it the daft titles like "Points of Groo", "Play That Funky Music Del Boy", "Bully's Special Piss" or "David Brent: Life In The Bin"; or questions such as "True or False: Actor Don Hastings soiled himself during a live episode of "As The World Turns" after badly misjudging a fart." to which the answer is much more interesting than you'd expect.

2. There are over 50 all new quizzes written by me. 

Where you'll find the answers to questions like:

- Was there a Spectrum game where Benny Hill went round taking bras off washing lines?
- Can you name the Canadian comic actor who took the lead role in short-lived animated series "Gravedale High"?
- Which TV series was advertised on the Radio Times with the punning headline "Cheque Mates"?
- What BBC sketch show was nearly called "Peter Sellers Is Dead"?
- Squeeze were the first guests on which series later famous for appearances by Eric Clapton, Mariah Carey and Nirvana?
- What connects Postman Pat and US sitcom Community?
- Which member of The Monkees appeared on the same episode of "The Ed Sullivan Show" on which The Beatles made their debut?

- Did religious programming host Jess Yates invent Doctor Who villains the Macra? 

And hundreds more!

3. Its not available in the shops. 

Remotely Interesting is being ordered to demand by me from a website called Lulu. Its not cheap but its the best way I've found to get the job done. It also means that if you're looking for a unique gift for the telly addict in your life, my book (and its reasonably priced predecessors) is the perfect choice as they're not likely to have bought it themselves or received it from anyone else. And lets be honest, buying gifts is a pain in the arse, so let me help you!

4. There's something for all the family. 

Yes, even Uncle Ken and his "ruptures". When I was a kid I loved watching Telly Addicts with Noel Tidybeard and we even got the 'Family' variant spin-off board game of it some time in the early 90s. Both were fascinating but utterly frustrating to me as a kid. I loved the old clips but how the hell am I meant to know what an Onedin Line is? Who cares about Compact? Why should I go Howard's Way? With this in mind, Ive tried to make sure there are questions for everyone in the book - from the smarty pants small-screen spod to the casual couch tripper, ages 8 to Subtitles 888.

5. Its a great way to support me.

If you've been a regular reader of this blog, my Twitter or listened to my far too numerous podcasts in the past and you liked them, buying a book is a good way to say thank you and give me a few quid so I can continue. I'm trying to make a living out of writing currently so any support that way would be extremely beneficial. And to make spending your money even more fun, there's even a Collector's Edition version of the book with bonus questions, badges, music, games and silliness for a small amount more.  And if you're feeling particularly generous, an "Extreme Altruism" stream for deranged millionaires everywhere!

So, why not buy a book from this link here?

I hope people haven't felt too dogged by my advertising of the book but I'm very proud of it and know people will love it if they give it a nose. To encourage you ever further, I've set up a separate Tumblr to which I'm posting my favourite TV related oddities from my files every day. You can find that by clicking THIS CAPS LOCK MONSTROSITY HERE.

Help support local idiocy, buy a book today!